Disconnection is a huge problem in regards to the on-going health of relationships. As life moves a long and the dating butterflies lessen, real life sets in. When this happens, some couples chose to fuel disconnection, other’s lean to fuel connection –they lean into marital happiness.
But even though some couples choose to fight against the daily pressures of disconnection, tuning into the same frequency as your spouse is hard and many find their hard-efforts resulting only in deafening static left between the crackling airwaves of their disconnected spouse.
So what can you do to lessen the static, lean into marital happiness and tune into the same frequency of your spouse? Here are 3 little tips:
#1 – Commitment In Practice:
This may sound simple, but many couples are committed on paper or in theory but in practice they are completely uncommitted. They pretend to listen, but deep down they aren’t listening, at all. They take out the trash when asked with a fake smile, but inside they are bitter, resentful, angry and disconnected.
Cultivating an attitude of commitment, not only in theory, but in practice will improve the relational environment of your relationship. But you’ve got to work at learning to commit to martial happiness and at being truly present and when you make intentional daily steps to decide to do that you move one step closer to connection.
#2 – The Deciding Factor:
Many people don’t know or they quickly forget: love is a choice. There will be days you are in a bad mood, weeks where you are going through a terrible season, and months where you feel disconnected from God or your spouse.
Love is a choice. If you decide in your heart you don’t want to connect, don’t have feelings for your spouse anymore or that you won’t make it through, then you’ve already lost the battle. And surprisingly enough, even though you both are wearing a ring and married on paper, inside the deep recesses of your heart, you have already run miles away from your spouse.
Establishing in your heart that love is a choice and deciding that you are 100% committed to love one another for life changes your mindset and your approach to every-day marriage. Once, you’ve established love is a choice and you are 100% committed, write up a check list of all the things you love or loved about your spouse –the things that you may have forgotten. Then work at deciding to get the spark back. You’ll be surprised how the feelings come back.
#3 – Leaning in:
The posture that you fall into in your marriage is a huge determining factor. Subconsciously or consciously, we either lean in to our marriage or we lean out. It may sound simple, but are you cultivating habits and attitudes of leaning in and being intentional to create spaces for connection or you are cultivating bad habits and counter-productive attitudes that are tuning the radio frequencies of your soul into the wrong heart frequencies of your spouse.
Bringing It Together:
Connecting is a daily art. Take time to observe what is working and what isn’t and bring your relationship with your yourself and your spouse to God daily.
If you aren’t working towards leaning in to your marriage in a sincere fully-present-I’m-going-to-stick-this-out type of way, the reverse is that you are leaning out of your marriage, when you may think you’re leaning in.
Maybe you won’t have a perfect marriage in 8 weeks. That’s not what I guarantee. But I guarantee there are small steps you can make today and little habits you can build into tomorrow that will make profound life-long shifts in your marriage that will produce worth-while harvest in years to come.
And some of these, what may seem like little un-revolutionary habits, will eventually in the end, steer the course of your marriage and determine whether you make it or don’t make it.
Are you leaning in or leaning out?